Story of My Life
by mischief-managed-22
Summary: Jim's thoughts mostly about Pam at different pivotal moments. Full of fluff!
1. Chapter 1

You know, sometimes when I'm sitting at my desk I'm actually working. I swear. I just have to start with that, because the majority of the time, I'm either putting Dwight's stuff in Jell-O (that NEVER gets old) or talking to Pam.

Okay, yeah. Most of the time I'm talking to Pam. I can't help it. She's beautiful, she's smart, and she's funny. She knows me like no one else.

More importantly, (and perhaps also more pathetic) I know her. I know her favorite yogurt flavor, her favorite pair of shoes, how sorry she feels for Michael sometimes, and how she hates wearing tights. I used to watch her as she drove away from work, and I could see her singing to a song in her car as she left. I knew that she only sang when she thought no one was watching because she thought it looked like she was talking to herself.

I know that she still doesn't like to walk on hot pavement during the summer after the hot coals incident. I know that she hates egg salad, but loves scrambled eggs. She was a vegetarian for a couple of years in high school, but gave it up in college for no reason at all.

I know that when she sleeps, she gets cold. I know that she loves waking up warm because my arms are around her. I know that in the morning, her hair is tousled and she wakes up with a sleepy smile on her face. I know that she has the weirdest dreams of anyone I've ever met. I know that she had a dog when she was younger named Dog. I know that she still has the teddy bear she slept with as a little kid, and I know that she slept with it after her parents split up.

I know that teddy bear smells just like her. I know that she still uses the teapot I gave her every morning. I know that she likes M and Ms more than jellybeans, but she put jellybeans into the candy dispenser because she knew I liked them. I know she's an incredibly fast typist, but that she hates computers. She had braces when she was thirteen, and she actually didn't mind them, but she threw away all of her pictures from seventh grade because she thinks she looked stupid. (She didn't).

I know that her favorite class in school was actually English, mostly because she thought her teacher was the best person she had ever met. I know that she likes seeing people who are happy, and she likes making people happy. (She's good at that).

I know that she is nervous about having a baby, but so, so excited. I know the look on her face when she feels the baby kicking, and it is the best smile I have ever seen. I love how she folds her hands protectively over her stomach, and I love how she leans into me when she's tired of standing on her feet. I love the curve of her stomach, and I love the glow in her eyes. I know that she will be the best mother in the world, and that I will always be there with her and for her no matter what.

I love that girl like…there's not even a comparison for it. I love her so much. There's no doubt in my mind that I will love her for the rest of my life, and I am so excited about our baby and our family and our life together that I don't want to go to sleep at night because I don't want to wake up to find it different.

At first, I was scared all the time that would happen: I would wake up and find the whole thing had been a dream. It terrified me for the longest time, but one morning, I woke up around three in the morning. My arms were around Pam, resting on her gently protruding belly, and I felt her shift slightly. I felt the baby kick for the first time against my hand, just a tiny foot, and I heard Pam gasp. She turned around to look at me, eyes shining and still sleepy.

"Jim, are you awake?" she asked. I could only nod, tears in my own eyes as I beamed back at her. "I felt the baby kick!" she whispered, excitement in her whole body. At that moment, I knew that we would spend the rest of our lives together. I knew that this was forever, and that I meant as much to Pam as she does to me.

So, yeah, sometimes I actually work. But most of the time, I'm thinking about how beautiful Pam is, and how I just want to span the short distance between us and kiss her. Kissing Pam never gets old.

I'm going to go do it. Kiss her in the privacy of my office and then take the rest of the day off just to be with her. Story of my life.


	2. The Proposal

A/N: Obviously this isn't following a linear timeline…

Jim gets ready to propose. Enjoy.

For the millionth time today, I slide my hand in my pocket to feel the smooth velvet of the ring box there. My heart beats a little bit faster, and I swallow hard. I said I wasn't going to ask her before she went to New York. We both agreed that we didn't want a long engagement. I understand that, I swear, but I just can't wait any longer. I want to show her how much I love her, I want to give her the ring I've had in my pocket for so long.

I want to be married to Pam Beesly and spend the rest of my life with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her no matter what, but…I also want to marry her. I can't wait to wake up beside her every morning. I can't wait to be the person she shares everything with. I can't wait to move with her to our own house. I can't wait to have kids with her, and we will be the best parents ever.

I love the way she says "we" when she talks about us—it still makes me smile every time she says it. I love the idea of going home with her every night, when we can start a family and live happily ever after. Pam is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. I have this whole speech in my head for my proposal—about how I'm marrying my best friend, how we know everything about each other, and how I want her to be happy forever.

Part of me thinks that the hardest part is going to be the first five words, but on the other hand, those words have been on the tip of my tongue for years. It has taken all my self control not to ask her any one of one hundred times at her desk, in the break room, in the conference room, walking to our cars…will you marry me?

Still, I tap my foot nervously, glancing over at Dwight as I take a deep breath. I'm actually nervous. I guess I should be. If you're not nervous, then you probably shouldn't be asking. I have never doubted for a second that I want to spend the rest of my life with Pam. When she walks into a room, she still makes my heart beat faster, evokes this goofy smile that I can't wipe off no matter how hard I try. They say you can never guarantee how you'll feel about someone in ten years, or thirty years…you can't guarantee that you'll love someone forever. I disagree. You can tell. I can tell, and this…this is forever.

That goofy smile creeps onto my face as I think about all the time we've spent together, all the times she's fallen asleep on my couch, her head on my chest, watching a movie that I'm only half paying attention to because she's actually _there, _pressing her soft body into my side, her even breathing barely disturbing the fabric of my shirt. I remember the first time we went into a bookstore together, and she picked up a kids book and turned to look at me, grinning.

"I love this book!" she told me excitedly. "I always thought…" I saw a faint blush appear on her cheeks before she dropped her eyes, trailing off.

"What, Pam?" I asked gently.

"Well," she laughed a little, raising her head to meet me eyes again. "I always thought I would read this lullaby to my kids." Another small pause, I could see the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "_Our _kids."

My heart full, I pulled her into my arms, resting my chin on her head, feeling her arms encircling my waist as she pressed her face into my shirt. "I love you so much, Pam. I can't wait to read that book to our kids." I felt her nodding into my chest and I swallowed, tightening my arms.

I want to spend the rest of my life like that--like we're the only people in a room, completely wrapped up in each other. I'm content to live on laughter, lullabies, and Pam. It's the cheesiest thing ever, but you know what? We like cheesy.

I pick up the phone, dialing her number the same way I do everyday. We make small talk, and I glance at Dwight before asking, "Hey…can you switch to IM?" Quickly, I type her a message: Let's meet for lunch.

It's been far too long already. It's time.


	3. Confessions

Jim's secrets—some confessed, some left unsaid. I know that #13 is a direct quote from the episode, but I just couldn't help it—it's so cute. #18 comes from one of my other stories (Letters from Me to You), and if you've read that then hopefully it makes sense. Enjoy.

#1. The first day I came to this office, you were the first person I saw. You smiled when you saw me, like I had relieved you from an otherwise completely miserable, uneventful day. My heart still skips a beat when you smile at me like that.

#2. The second happiest moment in my life (so far) was when we learned you were pregnant.

#3. I noticed when you wore those new shoes that you slipped them off under your desk every time you sat down. I brought you bunny slippers both because I wanted you to be comfortable and because I wanted you to know that I noticed.

#4. Those bunny slippers belonged to my mom.

#5. When you gave me my gold medal yogurt lid, I wondered for a second if you had licked it clean. Then I forced myself to stop having such dangerous thoughts before I decided to jump you then and there.

#6. Most of the time I don't particularly like my job, but the first time I ever thought about leaving was when you rejected me. Before that, I just didn't want to leave you.

#7. While I am passionate about Italian food, I kissed you because I was suddenly reminded of how lucky I am to have you, how lucky I am to wake up to you every morning, and how thankful that I will never be left broken-hearted in the stairwell again.

#8. I always wondered what song you sang in your car as you drove out of the parking lot. Now I know. Every time I hear it on the radio, I smile and sing along.

#9. I used to have trouble sleeping—when you were with Roy, when I was in Stamford. The first night we spent together, I spent hours awake with my arms around you and my head buried in your hair, breathing in your scent and marveling that this was finally happening. I haven't had a nightmare since we got engaged.

#10. Roy used to be my least favorite person on the planet. You know what? He's _still _my least favorite person on the planet. I hate that guy.

#11. Although I wish with all my heart that your parents had been happy and stayed together…I'm glad that you heard what I told your dad. It's true.

#12. I still can't look at Phyllis without thinking about the handicapped bathroom.

#13. I bought those boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we'd need a back-up plan. The boat was actually Plan C, the church was Plan B, and Plan A was…marrying you a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met you.

#14. Occasionally I feel really sorry for Dwight.

#15. If I'm really being selfless, I think that I don't want to change anything about the years we didn't spend together. The rest of the time…I wish we had been together for years, and I don't care a bit about how that would have changed the lives of everyone around us.

#16. I have tried to take down that stupid clown painting three times. It won't budge.

#17. I fell in love with you for the seventh time when you told me you loved our house.

#18. I don't really like jellybeans that much. I like _you _that much.

#19. I can't believe that Angela let Dwight and Andy fight over her, but I would fight for you anywhere, anytime.

#20. Every time I pretended to propose to you…I was really on the verge of pulling the ring out of my pocket. But I wanted it to be perfect, so I waited. I'm glad I did. It wasn't perfect, it was ridiculous and messy and completely unexpected, but also…it was perfect.


	4. I Fell in Love When

A/N: This goes along with Confession 17 from the previous chapter (Jim fell in love with Pam for the seventh time when she told him she loved the house). Hope you enjoy!

The first time I knew I liked you was the first day I walked into the office. You told me to enjoy the moment, because my life would never be the same when I met my desk mate, Dwight. Since then, there have been hundreds of moments of "like", moments when I feel a rush of affection and warmth for my true love. Now, I live in a constant state of such rushes. So what follows is not a list of "like" moments. The list would probably bore you—extolling every time you brush your hair from your eyes, bite your lip when you're concentrating, smile at me, laugh…every time you take my hand or rest your head on my shoulder. Instead, this is a list of the moments I fell in love with you. The top ten (okay, eleven…I couldn't consolidate) moments when I could barely control myself. I love you, Pamela Beesly.

The first time was when I you traded your I-Pod for my teapot. My heart pounded as you pulled out the gifts inside and your face lit up with every inside joke you pulled out. That was when I knew that I couldn't give up on you, no matter what.

The second time was when you took Andy's phone. I regained my faith in pranksters around the world, and I suddenly remembered why you were the one I loved more than anyone. I regained my faith in us. For a second, I broke the promises I'd made to myself and I remembered how funny, smart, and absolutely perfect you were. The mischievous look on your face, with the phone cradled between your ear and shoulder, as "Rockin' Robin" yodeled on in the background…you took my breath away.

The third time… On Beach Day. In the office, I had to work to keep my eyes off you. You looked so gorgeous, confident, and relaxed. And when you ran into the fire pit to make your speech, I had never seen someone look so happy. You were radiating energy and pride and I was so proud of you. You walked across hot coals, Pam! And you burned your feet to a crisp, so it may not have been the smartest moment of your life…but it was one of the bravest. I will forever be grateful that you said what you did, and a smile springs to my lips every time I think of your shifting stance as you tried to forget how painful your feet were. You didn't become a new person, Pam. You just discovered who you'd really been all along.

When Dwight rushed out because Angela had finally allowed Andy to take her to dinner, he ended up curled up at the bottom of the stairwell, whimpering. Against my better judgment, perhaps, I told him how much it hurt when you were with Roy. I couldn't give him advice or solutions, but I tried to give him sympathy. As I described those dismal years, it dawned on me (for the millionth time) how lucky I was to have you. I didn't have to collapse in the stairwell because you were there, just a floor above me, waiting for me to come back. We'd finally gotten the timing right.

The day I proposed, I had been sitting at my desk all day, nervously tapping my fingers. You had been gone for seven weeks. Logically, I knew that New York was a fantastic place for you to follow your dreams. I was inwardly and outwardly excited for you, but at the same time I missed you so much sometimes, it was impossible to concentrate. When you called, my heart leapt. All of a sudden, I knew I had to do it. I couldn't wait another day. It had to be right then.

When you told me you hadn't passed your computer graphics class, I was crushed. I didn't know if I could spend another twelve weeks like this…but I was willing to try. I will never be the guy who stops you from achieving your dreams. I want to help you every step of the way. Still, when I saw your soft, familiar form leaning against my car, I was happier than I had been in weeks. I could feel the huge smile breaking out, and I was helpless to stop it. All I could think about was how glad I was that you were really here—that we would get to spend the night together, finally, at _home._

I was so nervous to bring you to my parents' house after I bought it. Almost as soon as we got in the car, I began to feel like the whole thing was less of a fun surprise, and more of a terrible mistake. The clown painting, the shag carpets, the peeling linoleum… My only hope was that garage. When you turned to face me, I was sure that you were about to tell me that you hated it. You were shocked, I could tell, but you told me you loved it. No matter how much you reassure me that you really _like _popcorn ceilings, I still don't think you meant anything about the house itself. Even I can admit that the house needed work. But the fact that you could see past it and imagine our lives here meant so much to me. And now…it's ours. In everything from the newly painted walls to your framed drawings hanging in our living room, that house has become our home.

When you left to join the Michael Scott Paper Company, I was shocked, confused, and oddly proud. Your decision was absolutely insane, there's no doubt about that. But at the same time, it was all yours—the confident, brave Pam who was willing to try something new in pursuit of a dream. Although I think you're a fantastic receptionist (and you're a better typist that I will ever be), I understand your ambitions. Your spontaneity is one of my favorite things about you.

I was all set to marry you that morning. Yes, your hair was tousled, your eyes still heavy with sleep, your smile a little weary…but I thought you looked beautiful. While I admit that I have been ready to marry you since the day we met, I was even more prepared that day. I couldn't wait. On our way out, stopping at Café Disco, dancing around like the two dorks we are… I'm glad you like cheesy. I'm glad we had our wedding, no matter how much of a pain it was. No matter that you had to take Andy to the hospital, and that I was dragged out by Michael and Dwight, no matter that your veil tore and I had only half a tie, it was perfect. It was cheesy.

When we found out you were pregnant, in the middle of the most important volleyball game of our lives, in a small hospital in the middle of nowhere…well, Pam, that ranks as one of the best moments in my life so far. I was suddenly thinking about our lives together as _parents_, the coolest and most mind-blowing thing. A baby…what an adventure. What an amazing miracle of an adventure. I'm so excited. Every time I see your rounded tummy, or I feel our tiny progeny kick against you, my heart beats a little faster. I can't wait to meet our baby.

When we got married on a boat, in front of Niagara Falls, with the cold-water droplets spraying our faces and your torn veil with mist, all I could see was you. Your beautiful face was radiant, water glistened on your eyelashes, and the tears in your eyes made my heart swell. If I do say so myself, buying those boat tickets was one of my best ideas. That day, I told everyone (twice) how much I love you every day, forever and always, no matter how many times I put your hairbrush in Jell-O.


	5. Thoughts on Dwight

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. It hasn't been the best week for me. Oh, also? If you like the lists, please let me know! I know the last few chapters have been lists like this…if you like them, I'll keep writing them. If not, I can easily change course. This one is not a list. It's one of Jim's random trains of thought…the first one that doesn't revolve completely around Pam. I figure every once in a while he probably thinks something that's not about her. Maybe.

Angela is going to marry Andy. I can't believe it. Not that she's marrying Andy, but that…I actually feel sorry for Dwight. Something about his situation seems familiar. Maybe the part about having to stand by and watch the love of your life, engaged to someone else? Huh. I can't really place it…

Okay, if I'm being completely honest, I can do more than place it. Every time Angela sends Dwight one of those seething looks, it sends a twinge down my spine. Every time she kisses Andy, it makes me wince a little for Dwight. I know exactly how hard that is. I mean, Dwight is most certainly not my friend. But you know what? Much as I wish this weren't true, I feel some sense of affection for the guy. He has some endearing qualities. Of course, he also sticks teapots up his nose.

But Pam and I really had a great time at his beet farm. Admittedly, the manure was slightly overpowering. The demonstration was really quite informative, though. Occasionally, he has his moments of humanity. I mean, he did read us Harry Potter. And seeing the poor guy cry over some little doll, which I can only assume is Angela's, did evoke a sense of sympathy. As weird as it is for me to imagine Dwight with Angela (Dwight with _anyone_, let alone Angela) he obviously loves her.

I can't imagine actually dating Pam, and then losing her. It was hard enough for me as it was. I don't even want to think about it. Ugh. Also, I find it nice that he still rocks out in the car before going on sales calls. Even I have to admit, he has a knack for sales. And he does a lot for the office. I mean, watering the plants? Arranging the toys on Michael's desk? He has a type of dedication that I would never dream of bringing here.

And putting his stuff in Jell-O is still one of my favorite pastimes. What would I do if I didn't have him there to play pranks on? Who else's desk could I make completely out of wrapping paper? Anyone else would kill me. Dwight…well, he's not my friend. But he is my desk mate.

I have to go talk to him.


	6. Confessions a la Pam

A/N: As requested, Pam's confessions. I know it has been forever since I last updated and I apologize. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and pressured me to keep writing!

Okay, so…I'm pretty sure you'll think this is dumb because you probably already know all of this stuff. But hey, I can keep secrets! I am totally capable of doing things on my own and not telling you! Ha, so there.

1. I would have put M and Ms in my candy dispenser because I know you like those better, but I didn't want Kevin to monopolize my desk. Jelly beans are your second favorite. And the rattling noise they make when I pour new ones in? I do that on purpose.

2. There were two parts to my summer project. I also drew a picture of you.

3. I really, honestly _like _everyone in the office. I know it's weird, and I know they're all…so strange. But I like them. And I think that subconsciously, you do too.

4. When we were at the restaurant with Phyllis and Bob, (Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Ever since I met the guy I feel the need to say that whenever I refer to him) I was disgusted by their debauchery. But there was a tiny part of me that thought it was romantic. Not that they did it in the bathroom, but that after years, they still love each other so much that they can't wait to be together.  
After that, I was just disgusted again.

5. I love the pranks that we (you) play on Dwight. Do you know how much each of those meant to me when I was with Roy? Each one of your excited, mischievous smiles made my breath catch in my throat.

6. I love that you know how I take my coffee.

7. I was so proud of myself for walking over the hot coals. The only time I've been prouder was when I decided to come home from art school. I knew I was doing the right thing.

8. When I couldn't stop laughing the other day? I was looking at an article on sex positions. They seemed ludicrous until two nights ago…now I'm thinking that maybe I should read those more often.

9. I told you the moment I knew I liked you was when you told me my yogurt had expired. Really, it was when I opened the teapot. I saw you slip the card into your pocket. I just wish I'd had a chance to read it then.

10. I really want to go to Disneyland with you.

11. I really want to go everywhere with you.

12. Sometimes I dream in black and white. I don't like it because I can't see your eyes.

13. I spent months planning your surprise birthday party. Thank you for acting surprised.

14. I'm so happy we live together. I love you immeasurably. But I _hate _that clown.


End file.
